I wish that I could...

• complain without feeling ungrateful. Sometimes you just want to have a good old-fashioned rotten fit. Why follow that up with guilt?
• quit complaining. (As you can see I'm in a quandary!)
• just relax! RELAX. RELAX. RELAX.
• enjoy my children instead of moving from task-to-task and feeling like a day laborer. I think the last time someone stopped by my house unannounced it was my mother. She wouldn't notice if I was on fire, let alone if I had dust bunnies in the corners of my rooms. And what is it I'm trying so hard to clean away? -- Hmm... I'm not ready for that trip to the psychiatrist couch.
• stop being so mean to BP. Isn't he eventually going to throw up his hands and say, "That's it. I'm finding someone nice." I shouldn't see if he has a breaking point.
• quit worrying that there's more to what someone says to me than what's on the surface. Not everyone has an agenda. Do they? Do I?
• get dressed in the morning and instead of thinking, "Why is this so bulgy or that so crinkly?" and just think, "Okay." I'm not expecting miracles... I'll never be entirely pleased. But things could be worse!
• quit seeing the negative. Yes - she did this; he did that; I'm tired; it's not fair; I always have to ____. But who gives a rip, really? I'm here & I'm healthy.
• let myself feel the change in my life since baby i. Yes, she is a blessing. But it's okay at 3 in the morning to think, "GO BACK TO SLEEP before I claw my own eyes out." (Isn't it?) I don't have to well up with tears and feel like a schmuck for just. wanting. some. rest.
• let go. There are people in my life who have been trying to exit gracefully (or at least their version of gracefully). Being tenacious for the right reasons is a good thing. Being tenacious for the wrong reasons is sadistic.
• stop making F. wait. Baby i. can cry. And she does anyway. So, pay some attention to my tow-head. I saw sadness in his eyes the last time I snapped at him. Perhaps I should cut that out, too.
• take help when it's offered. Ask for it when it's not.
• stop using my free time trying to achieve the insurmountable - don't barter away my moments for nothing.
• remember how to read... take in words because I love them... they lift me up. The shape of them on the page, their music...
• forgive... sans apologies. Surely someone has done the same for me or I wouldn't have what I do and be loved the way I'm loved. If I'm always the victim, then I'm pretty helpless at best.
• lighten the EF up. (See all of the above)