So anyways...
Sopranos! Welcome back. Yes, I was initially angry with you for leaving for so long but then I figured you were weaning me and that's good. Let's start with a request... nay, a plea. For the love of all that is holy, please STOP showing Tony & Carm in bed together in any way, shape or form. I've already admitted my weird sloppy old-man crush on Tony Soprano but I didn't mean to imply I EVER want to see him "ahem" engaged. And the thought of Carm going down on him for his birthday. Well, it's just too much.
Okay... now... Where was Christo'fuh? Even in his 2-second appearance (Happy Birthday! -- click --), he got a laugh. Blam... the season was off to a great start. If you don't think Tony is at heart cruel, think again. Instead of just ax-ing Bobby on the way to meet the (who were those people?) French Canadians in the bar (??), he is going to take Bobby on a long torturous ride of another kind. Fact is, after the brawl which Bobby instigated you can't help thinking if he's THAT stupid he deserves whatever Tony's got to give. Bobby knows he's so fucked. When he picked up his kid Nica (is it just me or does this child's name change?) by the water - the shot was magical. He might as well wear a toe tag.
I started to read the reviews and then thought - screw it. I do wish Imus hadn't gone on that racial tear (??) - I always like hearing his recaps & such.
Bobby, playing Monopoly with the family:
"You Sopranos! You always take it too far."and Janice...
"Fuck the Parker Brothers."
America's Next Top Model. I'm guessing this is how a crack addiction feels... you really truly love crack. Crack makes you happy and does this delicious crawl through your veins that just feels right... But your friends and neighbors would be appalled to know you loved it & even your alcoholic boss would get all "I can't believe you do crack" on you. Oh, that show... Last night was a real coo for me. As I said, kids were in bed before 8. Just me on the couch with some cherry turnovers (!!!) and rain going on in the background. Dionne brings the F-bombs, Brittany brings the horrendous hair, Tyra brings the weird headband and 1/2 shirt posing as a dress (??) and Jael brings her Kurt Cobain/Courtney Love fused accent and "free-spirit" disposition. (Side note - don't you just love it when someone prats on and on and on and on about being a "free spirit?" Gag.) It's redundant to ask this, but can't you just hear Jael sing, "Why are there so many songs about rainbows?" Natasha seriously might win this thing by virtue of just simply not knowing what the fuck is going on... ("They decided I didn't miss my baby as much as they did." Sigh!) I'm gonna go with Brittany winning this thing & that isn't because I think she should (remotely) and it isn't because her hair is at all better looking now that the weave has been cut out (god, it SO isn't)... nor is it because she looks like a Phyllis who drinks 40s and lives in a pink ranch house with pelicans on the garage door perpetually smoking her Newport. Mainly it's because if they pick Dionne she's too much like Dannielle. Renee too much like Joannie. Jaslene too much like... hmm... have their been any former drag queens on it before? Jael - too much like a jacked up Scarlett Johannson.
Oh boy - I went on a tear with that one... That's what a 4 am wake up will do and three cups of coffee... Gotta take this time where you can get it.
So - in closing... The Tudors. Do I like the show or do I just feel I should like the show? When the camera pans to Anne Boleyn - I felt the foreboding interest I've always had in the story but I'm not sure I can take much more of Jonathan Reese Witherspoon or whats-his-name's silly pursed lips face. Seriously when he challenges King of France (who looks suspiciously like a New England fraternity boy even in cloaks and huge gold baubles) to the wrestling match I don't see how they could've let that scene pass through the editing room. I'm picturing a bunch of people gathered around the editing tables going, "I give up. There is no footage with him not making trout face. Anyone have any pictures of Henry? Maybe he's supposed to look like he's just come from an uptown surgeon on his lunch break." He's just too FIERCE looking. I'm Henry viii and I'm FIERCE. Look at me... I'm FIERCE. See how I walk? FIERCE! Hear me talk? FIERCE! Even when I'm just a filler in a scene? FIERCE! Just sitting alone wondering about peace treaties... FIERCE! Hey... we get it. He's FIERCE. He could take a lesson from Tony Soprano... Tone makes you forget he's fierce & that's the draw. He's not all overwrought Dixie Carter in Designing Women (and come to think of it everything else she's been in) - so'thern, so'thern, so'thern... As Gah-wad as mah' witniss I'm sah so'thern.
Kids are good. Baby i learned to stick her tongue out in response to you sticking your tongue out and it's quite adorable and fascinating. She just sort of splays it out of her mouth and hangs it there unsure how far or for how long she has to hold it. In usual F fashion he was very sweet and complimentary, "She has a cute little tongue... she's so smart to learn this..." (Oh he's beyond cheesy cute.) F got his report card yesterday and it was his best one of 2nd grade. He didn't understand why he didn't get a "4" in Science & Health since he has perfect attendance... I said, "I think this means health class, F, not your physical health." Life is fun with an airhead child... he's a trip. And ever-obsessed with perfect attendance, he told me Charlie from his class last year got perfect attendance. He called him "Bad Charlie" and I didn't remember Charlie being even slightly "bad" but F assured me he was. I couldn't resist, I said, "Maybe since Charlie was so bad his parents wouldn't let him stay home with them even when he was sick." F's eyes kind of widened but then he got in on the joke. I think I did make him wonder if perfect attendance is such a great thing after all.
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