And in brief.

The BBQ went well w/ exception of the fact that my crazy-ass neighbor who only got an invite so she wouldn't call the police was one of the first to arrive and the *LAST* to leave. Aside from grinding every conversation to a screeching halt, she also showed her hysterectomy scar to my poor friend Cassie.

Said neighbor refuses to walk her dog. Then she refuses to clean the dog shit off of her driveway. She is a pig.

First week of summer and BP is gone three of those days. I'm swimming upstream this week. I am physically exhausted & my brain is mush. Both kids were asleep by 6:30 last night. So, at least they don't just wear ME out. Thing is, it's not a break, really, when this happens b/c baby i makes me go up and down the stairs no less than 15 times to plug her and last night was one of those "can't get comfortable" nights when she tossed and turned and cried for no reason. I thought I'd never do it, but I finally let girlfriend cry herself to sleep. I'd done all I could do. She seemed quiet this morning and all I can think is that she doesn't trust me anymore and feels all alone in a despondent world. I know... I know... if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. But seriously. Something had to give.

I liken the finale of the Sopranos to something like a friendship that ends. I had a friend D. I was maid/matron of honor in both of her weddings... really good friends... I never thought it would end and we joked we'd be on one of our front porches with our stoages talking about lifetime movies we'd watched & our grandchildren. Well, last time I talked to her she was on her cellphone and and the last thing she said was, "I might lose you. I'm headed into a tunnel." And the phone went dead. That was almost two years ago. I don't know how the threads of her life have wound, where she is, if her mother is still alive, how her divorce turned out, whether or not she stopped doing coke, etc... I invested so much but I just don't have the luxury of her or knowing her next chapters. It's weird. But, it's life.